Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
