I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
