I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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