Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
