I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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