seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
