Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
