How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
