did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
