I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
