if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
