i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
