I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
