do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
