I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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