there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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