forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
