Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
