I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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