Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
