He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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