Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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