be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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