The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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