Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
