Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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