well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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