Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
