ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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