Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
