It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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