under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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