Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
