Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
two words...techno handjob
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
