He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
