I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
