Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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