This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
operation have a gay friend backfired
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
