This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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