TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
