She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
