Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
