??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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