What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
