please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
