K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
