I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
