I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
