At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
