Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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