I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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